The Endowment Of My Fate
-The Verdict Of My Destiny
...Abide with me...at the last moments of my life
My life is sterile. Fate has slapped me. It has made me understand that how much ever you do good for the world, you will be kicked back. You give love to someone and what you receive in return will be a spasm of pain, a throb of tribulation, a nemesis of woe. True indeed, this is the fact of life. This is the reality of this human society, where all humans are almost inhuman. At each and every stage of life you will experience the spikes in your path placed by no one else but your own people.These words are not bookish. These are the things that I have experienced in my own life. This short span of 17 years in this realm of civilization is a testimony of the naked truth of life.
The happenings of the past linger me like the clinch of a Scorpio. The elapsed time was perhaps blissful, but extremely volatile. Those moments are all gone with time but they have left behind, are the footprints of that phony ardor which is extremely afflictive. That stage which seemed to me like a world of fantasy, was indeed artificial.
True love is sacrifice; it is a pilgrimage, it happens when there is no strategy. But it is very rare because most people are strategists.
This world is raucous, strident, harsh, unaffected and unmoved by feelings and emotions...and I had failed to understand these facts of life. I had tried to be good, understanding, loving, caring, helpful, and affectionate and this is the remuneration I have achieved. Now I understand what life is, but I guess it's too late now. Everything is over. It has made my present forlorn, and my future barren.
My first love, whom I had loved more than anything in this world, has taught me a commemorating lesson. For her I did everything, things, which I had never even dreamt of. I did everything to keep her happy, everything to satisfy her. I accepted her with all her faults. I didn't even look upon on any other girl. I went against my parents. I equivocated. I trusted her more than I trusted myself. And for all this I have received a spectacular reward. The girl who used to be crazy after me...she has left me with tears in my eyes. I can accept any thing for her, any thing for her happiness. But now this is how she is behaving. She writes to me:
Ishan, I don't want you in my life any more. I am sick of you. I want to get rid of you. By the way you said you were going to eat poison?
But you are there! Eating poison is easy. If you have guts, stand on a railway track and get yourself killed under a train."
This is what fate had for me. This is the merit my beloved has given me. This is the kindness of God that he has bestowed on me. This is how I have been rewarded for my goodness. This is how fate has endowed me.
I am already dead, my soul has been cremated, body, is still to be buried.
